Nearly Never Did Learn
by Dankee
Summary: Eric Cartman is an asshole but Butters doesn't seem to see it. So when Cartman tells- doesn't ask, tells- Butters he's the brunet's new boyfriend, it wasn't much of a problem. It also helped that Butters was fucking dead in love with the not-so-anymore-just-kinda-broad-and-fluffy fatass. Cartman needs to learn to be nice. (Disclaimer: Don't own nothing, totally wish I did though.)
1. Chapter 1

Eric uses his forearm to shove Butters roughly up against the wall and to keep him put. "You're my boyfriend from now on, fag. You got that?" His voice is harsh and his eyes piercing through the blond's skull.

Butters squinted his eyes cos yeah, he's confused but he didn't object in the fear of getting another beating from the brunet. So he nodded his head politely and feared that having a boyfriend wouldn't get him grounded.

Butters didn't mind Eric too much. Sure he was sorta mean sometimes, pushed him around a bit and called him nasty words, but it wasn't too bad. Butters could mange it.

"Good," Eric said, pulling his arm away. He brushed off arm- like Butters had cooties- and looked over at Stan and Kyle, who watched in awe. "I'll, Uh, I'll see ya later, pussy." And with that, he walked away.

Butters pulled himself off the wall and rubbed when his head hit the brick. Kyle and Stan came rushing over.

"What the fuck was that, dude?" Stan asks the blond as Kyle still struggles to pick his jaw up off the ground.

Butters shrugs. "I dunno... I was just walking outta the school, cos if-if I don't get home before my parents, they'll ground me!" He exclaims, eyes widening a bit. "A-and then Eric, he comes outta no where, pushes me up against a wall and tells me I'm his boyfriend."

Kyle makes an exasperated noise. "What do you think he's up to? It's really unbelievable that he would play with your heart, Butters-"

"Hey! What makes you think he's playing with my heart? What if he actually likes me?" Butters pulls a sad face.

He can actually feel his heart ache when that thought comes to mind. Ever since grade four to grade ten, Butters has been head over heels for Eric Cartman. No matter how many times Eric has played a joke on him or humiliated him, or whatever, Butters would always see the good in the sixteen year old.

Stan frowns and looks at Kyle, who is mimicking Butters' face. "Butters, it's not you. It's just... Eric has no heart. He's never liked anyone and some of the stupid shit he's pulled is downright evil. I honestly don't even think he can feel for anyone!"

Butters just sighs. "You're probably right. Probably another plan to humiliate me again." He's so used to this. He's never really had any friends. Well, he's got people who are nice to him like Stan, Kyle and Kenny but nobody who tries to hang out with him or be his friend. So when Eric tries to be with him, even if it is gonna turn out bad, he always enjoys the parts that aren't so bad.

"I'm sorry, Butters." Stan says, putting a hand on the boy's shoulders. "We'll try to talk to him and try to see he's gonna do before he does anything stupid."

Butters cracks a smile. "Thanks Fellas, that means a lot."

They mirror him. "No problem, Butters. I'd just be careful around Cartman though, who know what that fat asshole is gonna do."

They leave it at that, walking away to go catch the bus. Butters just fixes his backpack and decides he's better off walking home.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that night, Butters gets a text message.

'_FAG, get the fuck over here._'

The number isn't saved into his contacts so he doesn't know who the text was from, but he had a pretty good clue.

Butters makes a strangled sound looking over at the clock. 9:34pm. He'd be grounded if he went over to Eric's house this late. He usually always goes over to Eric's for a sleepover but not in the past few months. Eric's been jumpy and an extra asshole to him. It was weird that now that they were 'boyfriend's', Eric all of a sudden wanted to hang out with Butters.

Correction, this whole fucking situation was weird.

Butters bit his nails as he decided he should go, grabbing his coat.

;;;

"About time you got here." Eric rolls his eyes as he throws the door open for Butters. The blond walks in timidly, head down. The door slams shut and causes Butters to jump and shut and chase behind Eric who was walking up the stairs.

Eric smirks but doesn't say anything. He walks up the stairs and to his room but stops at the door. He nibbles on his lip nervously and opens the door- for Butters. Butters is so fucking surprised that he stops dead in his tracks. Eric rolls his eyes again.

"You gonna go in or-?"

Butters blinks again but scurries in the room. Once in, Eric closes the door and plops himself down on his bed. Butters stands near the bed in fear of being pummeled if he took a seat. Eric frowns.

"Sit," He says, making room for him next to the broad boy. Butters bites his lip and sits next to Eric- but almost a ruler length away. Eric frowns, again, but outta frustration. He cuddles up next to Butters and awkwardly puts his arm around the blond. Butters can only imagine his eyes being the size of saucers.

"Uh, you look, um, less faggy today, pussy."

"Thank you, Eric."

There's a minute or two of awkward silence as Butters watches the small tv in the corner if the room, muted and the only source of light, and Cartman bites his lip to shreds.

"Listen here, Butters..." Butters whips his head around to look at Eric's piercing eyes. "I like you."

Butters nods his head slowly. "I-I like you too."

Eric smiles real relieved, but then covers it with a cough. "I, uh, spoke to Kahl and Stan and they think I'm up to something, and I'm not! You got that?!" Eric points a finger at Butters and Butters flinched. Cartman quickly puts his finger down because he wasn't trying to sound so mean. "I, uh, mean got it?"

Butters nods.

"Good, I just don't know how to- erm..." This is was fucking embarrassing, thank God that the lights were off and the little tv didn't do shit. "Don't really know how to treat someone like I like them? Or, um, I don't know how to do... This."

"You don't know how to be nice to someone?"

"Yes," Cartman says relieved that Butters got it but then actually heard what he said. "NO! I know how to be nice to someone, fag."

Butters holds back a smirk. "Y-you don't know how to treat a boyfriend?"

Eric smiles. "Yeah, that's it."

"Well- well, first you gotta _ask_ them out, not tell them that you are now dating them."

"I was nervous, okay!" Eric exclaims, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Eric," Butters says quietly so that the bigger boy would look over. "I have bruises on my shoulders."

Eric frowns.

"And two, you can't keep callin' me a fag, or a pussy. If you like me, you should call me, uh, darling or love or sugar or light of my life." Butters explains.

Eric scoffs. "I ain't calling you light of my life you son of a bitch-"

"Eric!"

Eric pales. "Sorry, sorry. Force of habit."

"It's okay, at least you apologized." Butters smiles and then yawns, curling up into Cartman's side. He must've been really fucking tired, seeing how he was curling up into his bully's side. Well, the bully he was in love with.

Cartman holds his breath when Butters does so, but when he hears soft snores he lets it out.


	3. Chapter 3

Butters wakes up in somebody's arms. He briefly confused on where he is but then he sees Eric Cartman's sleeping face mushed up against the pillow beside him. Eric looked so peaceful. It was weird.

But somehow, it caused Butters to smile and snuggle up closer to the asshole.

;;;

The rest of the weekend is uneventful. Butters is grounded again for staying over at Eric's without permission so he wasn't allowed to leave until Monday morning to school, which his mom drove him to.

"So," Linda Stotch starts, pulling out of their driveway. "Anything new happening at school?"

"No,"

"Oh, are you sure?" Linda pestered, desperate to learn what was going on in her son's life. He hasn't been talking to her much like he has in past nowadays. "Nothing at all?"

"Well," Butters bites his lip, better now than later. "My friend told me that we were now dating."

Linda chuckles. "Told you?"

"Yeah!" Butters smiles.

"Ah, kids." His mother shakes her head with a fond smile. "Who is this eager lady?"

Butter pales. "Er, uh, Eric Cartman."

Linda slams on the brake and Butters hits his head on the dashboard. She turns to him in a panic. "Eric Cartman? Are you sure Butters?"

Butters rubs his head and then crosses his arms. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Oh, Uh nothing, sweetie! I don't care if you're straight or gay, you'll always be my baby. But- but are you sure?" Linda asks, concerned.

"Yeah, mom."

"No, but honey... Eric Cartman?"

"Yes, mom!" Butters huffs, frustrated that his mother didn't trust his judgement. "I happen to like Eric Cartman very much. And he happens to like me!"

Linda sighs. She can hear the hints of anger in his voice so she leaves it at that with a short; "Okay, sweetie. Whatever you want. Would you like to get some breakfast before school?"

Butters' face is probably tinted red from his anger but he cools down a bit. He forces a smile. "Yes please."

;;;

The only time Butters sees Eric during the day is when the brunet shoves him into the lockers and turns around to high five Clyde.

Butters drops all his books and Stan gives him a sad face, helping him pick up his books.

;;;

Butters sits next to Jimmy on the bench, staring out into the football field looking for Cartman's classic 69 jersey.

"H-h-he's next to Cr-craig." Jimmy says, nodding over to the left of the field.

Butters hums in response, frowning when the sees his boyfriend laughing along with something Craig was whispering to him. Craig then points over at Butters, saying something to Eric and causing the bigger boy to push him. The soon comes jogging over.

"You're on, Jimmy." Eric says once over. Jimmy smiles.

"O-oh boy." He says, struggling to get up an walk with his crutches over to the middle. That just shows how untalented their school was. They didn't have enough decent players so they put a crippled kid on their football team.

Eric sits in the spot Jimmy got up from. He looks at Butters with his head cocked to the side and a weird face.

"Are you mad?" He asks, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. Butters looks over at the field and redirects them back to Eric.

"No, but the bruises on my shoulder hurt from being bashed into the locker." Eric flinches, scratching his head.

The brunet frowns. "Uh- sorry. Y'know, about that."

Butters nods but doesn't really understand why Eric is apologizing now. He's done it so many times before.

"I told my mom about us."

Eric squints, horrified. "_Why_?" But Butters on shrugs.

"Well, don't go tellin' people!" Eric exclaims, gabbing a finger at Butters chest. Butters breathes out hard, putting his hand where the finger was.

"Everyone basically knows, Eric. You can't do one thing in this town with out anyone not knowing!" Butters yelps. "And besides, y-you made it pretty obvious."

Eric looks like he wants to scream, but he doesn't. He just shakes his head and makes his way back to the field.


End file.
